Lessons
by Rider Rules
Summary: I DISCLAIM ALEX RIDER. A series of oneshots about... tricky situations our favourite spy gets into during lessons Sometimes gets exposed. Read and Review! K  in case I ever want to make it more serious.


**Hi. This is a collection of scenarios Alex gets into in different subjects! R&R!**

"Right, class!" Announced the weirdly cheery R.E teacher, "Today we're going to be concentrating on feelings and how you can be nicer to other people! Maybe you could lend someone a pencil... Or buy them a cookie if they're feeling sad... All these little things can help make the world a better place!"

Alex Rider had to refrain from snorting or glaring at the teacher. Yeah, as if _lending someone a pencil _could make the world a better place! And would being _given a cookie _stop him feeling depressive? He wished.

If you asked him, the world would be a better place if your Government didn't exploit minors, Scorpia didn't exist, and people like McCain had never been born. Then the teacher broke through his musings.

"Alex! What could you do to make the world a better place?"

"Umm..." Tom was sitting next to him, and Alex could see that he was trying desperately not to laugh. They gave eachother knowing smiles, and Alex continued, "Umm... I guess I could... Uhh... Give Tom a hug if he's sad?"

At this, the whole class started snickering and Tom burst into full-blown laughter, mouthing, _Tiny! _Alex could tell his friend meant that that was stupid in comparison to the things he'd done for the world.

"Quiet! Quiet!" Yelled the teacher desperately, then continued, "Maybe, Alex, you could try to come to school more often, and make all the teachers happy! I know I'd be a lot happier if you did!" At this the spy raised an eyebrow slightly in Tom's direction, who immediately started snorting with laughter. The two boys were both thinking the same thing:

_So you'd be happier if you were dead?_

Tom's snorts finally coaxed a grin out of Alex and the two started laughing like maniacs, while everyone else looked on confusedly.

"What's so funny?" Roared the teacher.

"Nothing..." Said Alex weakly, "Nothing at all..."

"In that case, , please _shut up_."

"Okay..."

Then the batty teacher continued the lesson, blathering on about whatever. Then she decided to do a strange activity.

"Alright, everyone, I want you all to think of the last time you did something _really really _nice for someone."

_I saved one of the largest continents and stopped a sicko stealing millions._

"I want you to think of another opportunity you could get to repeat this action! Do it and make people happy! You'll be _very lucky _if the opportunity comes twice!"

_Lucky? NO, NO, I am NEVER doing that again! I don't want aviation fuel raining down my back again, thanks!_

"Alex! What are your answers?"

"Uh... I... Did the shopping for Jack?" This was actually true, Alex had done the shopping, but it was only because the store was on his way home, and Jack had called him as he'd left school.

"When could you do that again?"

"Umm... Whenever Jack wants me to...?"

"Right. Lovely. You're a very nice boy, aren't you Alex?"

The teenager collapsed into silent sniggers as the teacher went on to listen to a boy who had bought flowers for his Gran. She really had _no idea._

When the lesson was almost over, Alex and Tom were shaking with amusement. But the teacher decided to pick on Alex _again_!

"Alex, is it true that you have problems concerning drugs and crime?" _Yeah, but not in the ways that you're talking about._

"No."

"Because you know we're always here to help. Do your bit to make the world a better-"

Just then, Ben Daniels rushed into the room, flanked by... K-Unit? Alex could only stare, open-mouthed as the men skidded to a halt, panting.

"Alex? Are you here?"

"Yeah, Ben... What's going on?" Asked the blonde, standing up.

"Alex, we are under orders to give everyone an OSA and tell them all about you! We decided to start with your class!" Alex groaned loudly. "Yeah, man, I know, but... Blunt's orders! You wanna tell them or shall I?"

"I'll do it, thanks. Right," started Alex nodding at the teacher, "I am now going to answer your questions truthfully. What could I do to make the world a better place? Well... I don't think that coming to school would be quite so good... Because, you see, you would be dead then."

Tom sniggered, while the teacher stared at Alex appalled.

"What _are _you talking about, Mr. Rider?"

,"All will become clear. What was the last really nice thing I did for someone? Well, I saved the continent of Africa, and stopped people being conned out of millions." K-Unit had caught on and were grinning. "When could I do that again? Well, frankly, I hope I never get the chance to, because, well, the person might succeed next time round.

And do I have problems with drug and crime? Many. Scorpia are out for my blood... And, well, Damian Cray was quite hard to beat."

"ALEXANDER RIDER! WHAT IS GOING ON?" Bellowed the extremely aggravated teacher.

"Well, long story short, I'm an unofficial agent for the Special Operations division of Military Intelligence, Sector Six. So I don't really think I need a lesson on how I could make the world a better place."

The teacher stared for a few seconds, then fainted clean away.

**That was fun to write! I wonder what subject I'll do next time... Physics? Chemistry? History? Art? Please review, and tell which subject you want next time!**


End file.
